I only add people on fb if I'm going to see them as a genuine friend and nothing else, if I don't see them as a potential friend I won't accept their request so If I accept them, for me the spark has already began. Like I said before I left for two months and didn't get anyone asking how I am or if something is wrong just silence but I now a few that I have a weird friendship with, I can literally not talk to them for 1 year or more and they will probably not think anything is wrong or ask me. You mentioned that they do tell you personal things, but are these things personal to them? Have they told other people? D id you pester them for this information? If you hadn't of asked or started the conversation, who would they have gone to? Honestly, sharing personal things doesn't mean that much - I tell people personal things if I know they won't tell anyone and I'm looking for some cheap advice, not because they are my friends. You mentioned that they do tell you personal things, but are these things personal to them? Have they told other people? Did you pester them for this information? If you hadn't of asked or started the conversation, who would they have gone to? Honestly, sharing personal things doesn't mean that much - I tell people personal things if I know they won't tell anyone and I'm looking for some cheap advice, not because they are my friends.Īt the end of the day, you can't make them want to be friends with you, give them something to miss about you. Go out with them rather than message them. My advice to you is to start making friends not conversation. They reply to you because they don't want to be rude. And conversely, I don't speak to my friends everyday. I speak to a number of people daily, work colleagues etc, who are not my friends. My outlook on this situation is that you are sparking conversation, but not sparking a friendship - two very different things. It begs the question how long do you have to not speak to them for, for them to contact you just to see how you are? You may value the friendship more than them. When I make friends I expect a mutual platonic relationship and not someone who’s only useful to increase the number of fb friends or an expendable tool. I’m not asking for too much, just a simple “Hi, how is your day?” would do much and mean a lot.

I get that some people are shy but this is the majority of my friends and even when I meet new people they’re still the same I start or it never starts. I don’t understand this, am I missing out on something? Or am I asking for too much? Should I just continue this? Right now I feel like I have absolutely have no friends amongst my 'friends'. Recently when I went off fb for 2 months and when I came back there wasn’t a message asking how I was or any mention and after that was nothing, no one contacted me but when I spark a conversation they’re ready to go, even though they are reply late. I even went on to create a “bonding moment” to counter this but I always seem to ask more and get asked less and in the end it didn’t look like a progressive counter. We talk about almost anything from likes to dislikes, hobbies and anything we can talk about, it even goes as far as personal moments where they open up to me which makes me happy that they trust me enough to open up to me and tell me about their personal struggles, personally I cherish those moments because it feels genuine and makes me think they’re genuinely my friends.īut I’ve noticed that I’m always starting conversations and on top of that I’m keeping it going by asking more question to invoke a response, It feels like I’m the one who always drives the car and steer it and if I stop they won’t try and drive it by themselves… they just leave. When I start a conversation with someone it goes great and goes on for a while. This wasn’t recently but it’s being happening for some time but I never noticed it till I was drowning so deep that I actually wanted someone to lean on.

I noticed that I’m always the person who starts and if I don’t it never starts.

I am always the initiater reddit